Change

Well, here I am and it has been over a year since I've blogged. My life has done a 180 and I couldn't be happier. I moved, got married, and am now at a healthy weight!

I am not sure what angle this blog will take now, but I do know it's going to include some yummy recipes!

Tomorrow=Today

This is an excerpt explained from Steve Harvey's new book, "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man."


Throw-backs vs. Keepers

Throw-backs: no requirements, rules, respect for herself, or guidelines. This would be the party girl and men can spot them a mile away. Some women know they are putting off this vibe; others do not. Some women are too afraid to have requirements because they think that will drive men away. Some of them it will, but would you want a man like that anyways? I don’t.

Keeper: never gives in easily and the standards/requirements start the moment she opens her mouth. She knows and understands her power and uses it. She commands respect. She is in control of where the conversation leads.

"Newflash: it's not the guy who determines whether you're a[throw-back] or a keeper--it's you."

Mama's Boys

Steve Harvey says, "stop coming up with excuses, and recognize that he's a mama's boy because you let him be one. Yes, I said it: It's. Your. Fault."

Now, before you say WHAT?! let me explain what he means. He is STILL a mama's boy because she has set requirements and standards and his woman (you) have not. Setting your standards early in a relationship is important. He will either respect them or be outta there and we already decided if he's getting outta there then we don't want him. "A real man is happy and eager to live by your rules, as long as he knows what the rules are and he's sure that abiding by those rules will help keep the woman he loves happy. The only thing you have to do is establish the rules...and make sure he sticks to them."

Examples of these requirements:

1. You need to respect me.

2. You must put me and our kids after God and above all others.

3. Be clear to everyone involved in our lives that they will respect your relationship--and me.

As long as you have no requirements or standards he will probably just continue to follow his mother's. Make it clear to him that you need him to be there to protect and provide for you (& your family). "Lay it out like this, and your requirements will trump his mother's every time."

Sometimes, it's just time to leave the nest.

And for Today's Lesson...

This is an excerpt explained from Steve Harvey's new book, "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man."


What does he need from you? A few things.


First and foremost he needs your support. He needs to feel like you have his back. Out in the real world, there are many things that can beat him down during the day. Steve Harvey just explains that we need to be understanding of this and let your man know you appreciate all he does for you (& your family). He needs to be able to walk back through the door and let his guard down.

He also needs your loyalty. “…[F]or men, love is loyalty. [They] want you to show your love to [them] by being loyal. That means that no matter what, you’re going to stand beside [them]. [They] get laid off, [they] know you’re going to stay, even if [they’re] not drawing a paycheck.” They have to know that even when they let themselves down that we won’t run away. We will be their strength and love them even more through the hard times. This also means when the “shiny, rich, fine men” walk in the room you “hold on to [their] hand a little tighter” so they know you’re theirs and they’re the only one for you.

"We need to talk."

As I’m sure you know, especially if you’re a man, when a woman says ‘we need to talk,’ it makes you want to run for cover. Women: do you like for people to point out your flaws? Doesn’t it seem like a strike at your character? Why would this be any different for men? It isn’t. Don’t worry though, I have never thought of it that way either.

Instead of saying ‘we need to talk,’ if really all you want to do is hear yourself talk, it might be a good idea to preface it with “[h]oney, look, nothing is really wrong—I just want to tell somebody something.” This will give him the chance to leave his guard down. Steve also says that we should save the emotional talks for our girlfriends. Because really, let’s face it, most of the time we are either just gossiping or stressed from our day. I’m sure our girlfriends would be more than willing to lend their ear and opinion.

I have to share an example from the book. I was cracking up when I read it!

Exhibit A:

You: "I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine and wouldn't you know that heiffa had on the same shirt as me?"

Your girlfriend: "You better stop it. Which one?"

You: "The blue one--you know, the one with the orange flower print? I got it from that store across town? On sale?"

Your girlfriend: "You mean the one you found on the $29.99 rack in the back? The same day I found those shoes at the store just down the street?"

You: "That's the one! I wore that shirt to work a few weeks ago and she complimented me on it and next thing I know, she ran to the store and bought my shirt and is wearing it to work! Can you believe it? Do you know how that made me feel?"

Your girlfriend: "Aw, hell to the nah. Are you serious? That's horrible. She's got some nerve..."

(Seriously that sounds like a convo me and my friends would have...about anything...not just a shirt.)

Exhibit B:

You: "I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine and wouldn't you know that heiffa had on the same shirt as me?"

Your man: "Really? Don't wear it anymore."

Are you seeing the simple yet?

Tomorrow is the throw-backs vs. the keepers, mama's boys, and why men cheat (that might need it's own day).

His Love Defined

This is an excerpt explained from Steve Harvey's new book, "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man."

It's no secret that men love differently from women. As Steve Harvey puts it,"[n]othing on this planet can compare with a woman's love-it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure." He goes on to say that if you are a woman's man she will take care of you and stand by you until the end.

A man, however, loves in three SIMPLE ways.

He Professes: Simply put, he claims you. When you are introduced, he might say something to the effect of this is __________ my girlfriend, wife, woman, lady, etc. He is proud that he has you by his side. This is also his way of telling other guys, "Hey man, stay away, she's mine." If you are simply introduced by your name or not at all, this should maybe raise some red flags.

He Provides: This might be a difficult thing to evaluate if you don't live together or don't make very much money...but your man should want you to have everything you need. If you don't, he will do his best to provide it for you or improvise until he can. He wants you to be happy and well taken care of.

He Protects: "When a man truly loves you, anybody who says, does, suggests, or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated." That's a given. But he doesn't have to use physical force or words to protect you. He could also do this by giving you advice or doing a task he thinks might be too dangerous for you.

According to Mr. Harvey, "[i]f you've got a man who does these things for you, trust me, he's all in."


Are things starting to make sense for you? This is about the part where I started evaluating my past relationships. It really sheds some light on things. What I hope to gain from this book is the ability to not make excuses for a guy and not waste time. The way I see it, it's okay if the man you're with or going to be with doesn't mesh with you. There isn't any reason to have hard feelings...just realize this before you settle, get comfortable, and stay way longer than you should.

Coming up I will let you in on what Steve says that men need from us, what to do/say instead of having 'talks,' and the throw-backs vs. the keepers (and he's talking about women here.)

He is too busy to focus on me?

I swear I read that line 5 times because it hit me like a ton of bricks. "And until he's achieved his goal in those three areas (who he is, what he does, how much he makes), the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you." Too busy to focus on me? ME? Wow.

This is quoted from Steve Harvey's new book, "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man." I'm about half way through it and have learned quite a bit. One being that it is important for a man to feel like a MAN. Besides they have only been taught that since birth. No crying when you fall down and scrap your knee, stand up for yourself (even if that means you have to throw a punch every now and again), make something of yourself, and lastly make lots and lots of money. That's a generalization, but pretty much right on target with how society defines a 'man.' So, until a man is a MAN, that's all he is focused on. Hence the too busy for me thing.

I think women are this way too, but in a different sense. Even though it's different from prior centuries, some women define their success by getting married, starting a family, and living happily ever after. My success is mostly based on the fact that I earned a bachelor degree, have a decent job, own my own house, and keep two animals alive everyday (I'm still working on plants, lol). So what comes next? Well, I would hope meeting MY *perfect* guy, getting married, having children, and so on. Getting a different better job would fit in there somewhere as well.

I guess this is why people say guys mature at a later age than girls. What that really means is they have certain things to accomplish before they are ready to settle down, focus on a woman, or make time for one. Women on the other hand define who they are partly by settling down, focusing on a man, and making time for one. See how this could be a problem?

SO..I'm reading this book and paying close attention because even though men are simple beings they are REALLY hard to understand. Well, they were until I started reading this book. However, now everything is becoming more clear.

And just as a side note, there are always exceptions to the rule and I'm not saying every single man is like this.