A recent discussion with a friend about co-dependency got me thinking about how my friends and I 'solve' our problems. Granted most of us went through a tough break-up this year, but I think we have become too dependent on each other. I know that with me, the first thing I want to do (and usually do) is call one of my friends and tell them about WHAT JUST HAPPENED. While sometimes this is inevitable, it's not always necessary. It's a hard habit to break though. I am still very much on the path of 'finding myself.' Finding that person who used to handle things herself and staying home at night by herself to watch tv, or cook dinner wasn't a big deal. Sometimes it feels like I have so much to do, and not enough time to do it in. But when I stop and think, I don't really have that much going on. I have my job and my friends, but outside of that I don't really have any other obligations. So why is it that I feel so busy sometimes?
I don't think it's 'busy' that I feel. I think it's negativity and unhappiness caused from all those times I just HAVE to call and get advice or tell the story about what happened. I don't think I'm a negative or unhappy person, by any means, but I think that telling these stories over and over and depending on someone else for advice or their opinion for almost everything is extremely draining! As I thought about this yesterday, I realized I didn't used to be this way. But now I am for various reasons. But my question now is how do you back out of it? No matter where I am in my life, single, boyfriend, married, kids, I want to have a strong group of friends surrounding me. But sometimes, personal issues and situations are better left unsaid and dealt with internally or with God. By repeating events or conversations over and over, it's like reliving it over and over. And honestly, who wants to do that? I would love to relive a positive event, miracle, or conversation, but negative? You can skip this girl from now on.
The start of this realization? My date Saturday. I have told myself over and over that my next relationship (and hopefully last) will not include total dependency on the other person. Nor will it include me acting a certain way or changing myself into something I'm not. This person, whom ever it may be, will love me for me. I think that co-dependency is a great thing to have in a relationship. You should definitely be able to depend on that person to be there for you and vice versa. That's what a relationship or a marriage is about. The other person makes the person you ALREADY are better. They compliment who you are and you them. Co-dependency is a bad thing when it turns into total dependency or expectation. Saturday, I felt like I was being forced to be someone else. I'm not going down that road again. In fact, I'm going forward with this new girl and going to be even better than before. There will be someone who will love me for me. Now, I just have to learn to hurry up and wait.
In the meantime, I think it is necessary that I become that new girl. The one who lends a hand to a friend when they need it and can know the right time to call and count on them for the same. But no more reliving all the negative. I say, positive thoughts and humorous actions ONLY for the GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED calls. I think this is a step in the right direction for my life and what is in store for me.
Now...where's that new job and boy at??? Just kidding :)